SPACIOUSNESS, SPIRITUALITY and Calcium Citrate

Dear Friends & Foes, 

As of today, I have 282 consecutive days on Insight Timer, a meditation app that I started using daily late last year. I found a meditation teacher and spiritual guide who really speaks to my heart, mind, soul and spirit named Olivia Jackson. I typically do a meditation when I wake up (after I play NYT Spelling Bee :), and also as I am falling asleep. I have also done it during the day if I am having a rough one. My favorite meditation is called "Gradual Path to Non-duality" (which I will share a link to below), but I love many of Olivia's courses and meditations. 

The most pertinent thing that I have learned in the past year is how to be spacious and open, especially in order to process trauma. As Olivia states, people often constrict around their trauma and then it becomes frozen in our body and buried deep in our mind, where it is there to haunt and torment us. It can then become a revolving door and vicious spiral or vortex of energy in our body, mind and spirit since it is trapped within, and this can lead to complex and compound trauma, which I have been experiencing in the past few years. 


I have mentioned in previous posts about my childhood trauma, which was being with my brother, Christopher, as he was hit by a truck while we were riding bicycles. That happened on this day, August 19th, back in 1981. Last evening, I was thinking about the fact that we started school within a week or so of this unimaginable trauma. I did not even really talk to anyone about it for many years, and it is all such a blur and I have very few memories of this point in time. 

This trauma happened to me at the young age of 9, and since there was not the awareness of PTSD and the like back in the early 1980s, and since my trauma was so acute, so dark and so incredibly deep, I never learned to process it or to release it to the universe until recently. 

I did finally start talk therapy for this trauma in my late 20s, and that helped me to survive, although I did still struggle with mind altering substances since that incredible trauma was buried so deep within. It was not until I did the biochemical testing and started my nutrient protocol for undermethylation in 2019 that it has become very easy for me to moderate or abstain from self medicating.

I did EMDR in 2017 to help me to process the trauma from where it was stored in my body, but then I seemed to transfer some of that trauma and the pain and suffering onto another situation that was honestly related as it was the last of my Chris money from his accident which I used to pay for the wetlands parcel adjacent to my property that I purchased in 2016.
(On a side note and in case anyone is wondering, it is also the underlying reason that I was accused of 'stalking', which I feel was a false, extremely unfair and absurd accusation and situation. It still seems so unreal, insane and sexist to me. I am negatively impacted by this more than anyone could ever imagine. I have had trouble finding better employment, making new friends or networking to achieve my goals and dreams. It is so heartbreaking, but I am trying my best to be strong and rise above. If anyone would ever care to see my ample evidence or to listen to my truth and narrative, please reach out to me any time as I am an open book. Also, just a reminder to not believe everything you read or see on the internet). 

Well, now that I have learned about spaciousness & openness and how to tap into this beautiful resource with just a few moments of meditation, I feel that it has brought me to the next level of finally moving past my childhood trauma after 44 years of carrying it around deep within my mind, body and spirit. I feel more calm, peaceful, spacious and open than ever before in my life. It is such a beautiful gift. I highly recommend, especially for anyone who has trauma they have not been able to process through talk therapy or other means. 


https://insighttimer.com/OliviaJackson/guided-meditations/gradual-path-to-non-duality



I also wanted to share my progress on my physical journey as it all seems to be interrelated, which only makes sense. As I have shared previously, after suffering many decades of mysterious physical pain and ailments, I discovered the main culprit was oxalate sensitivity, which goes hand in hand with being undermethylated and not having the necessary nutrients to properly process oxalates. I have discovered that if I take calcium citrate with every meal, then my physical pain has essentially disappeared. My body is still healing from a lifetime of abuse and oxalate overload, but I have made significant progress and feel that I have turned a huge corner at long last and hopefully before irreparable damage was done. 

Here is a link to the calcium citrate that I feel is most effective and high quality: 

https://www.pureformulas.com/product/calcium-citrate-by-pureformulas/1000026734?srsltid=AfmBOopgPFkD0fYVFm8uw4FBajrheCdBCP7mbGQ7iJkRvjE33AtMiCp


And here are a couple links to check out if you would like more basic information on oxalate sensitivity and autism/ undermethylation. As I mentioned previously, there is not much information out there yet, but hopefully more research will be done on this most pertinent topic soon. 

https://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/vegetarianism-and-plant-foods/the-role-of-oxalates-in-autism-and-chronic-disorders

https://www.lowoxalate.info/papers/history_autism_ox_proj.html


Lastly, I have a book recommendation for anyone who is interested or so inclined-
​"The Universal Christ" by Richard Rohr. I am actually rereading it as it was so much to process upon first read and reflection. It is similar in many ways to the meditation that I am doing- learning to be spacious, open and tapping into the incredible power of non-duality and of the universe and life force. It is very different than the Christ and religion that I was raised with, but I feel that it is far more representative of what Christianity truly is and ought to be. Here is one of my favorite quotes from chapter 1: "But God loves things by becoming them. God loves things by uniting with them, not by excluding them."  

I honestly have considered myself more of a pantheist than Christian the past 35 years, but with this new perspective and paradigm shift, I can see and feel how Christianity can be all- encompassing and inclusive of everyone and everything, which is my true nature and inclination. It's not always easy for me, and I have much to learn and room to grow, but I am really trying to be a positive force in the world as this is extremely important to me. I hope and pray for a mass movement in humanity in this direction as we sure could use more peace, love, understanding, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, inclusion and acceptance in our world. 

Thank you for reading and for caring.
​Love, me (: LCP :)