Since I have mentioned many times now that I have documented high-functioning autism, I wanted to share a bit more information on this fascinating topic. High- functioning autism was formerly referred to as Aspergers, but since there were many overlapping characteristics, they changed the official diagnosis in the DSM-5 in 2013. "Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that is characterized, in varying degrees, by repetitive behaviors and difficulties with social interaction and verbal and nonverbal communication. The ASD diagnosis once included Autistic Disorder, Asperger Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, and other disorders; however, in June 2013, all autism disorders were merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM 5). " I just received an official diagnosis a few years ago, but I have been aware that I may be on the spectrum pretty much the past decade, largely after reading the following article in Scientific American: Autism: It's Different in Girls https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-it-s-different-in-girls/ I could identify extremely well with what they said in that article as well as much other research that I have read on the topic in the past decade. Previous to that, I did the Autism Quotient Quiz numerous times and always found it interesting that I scored fairly high as I did not think that I had typical autism traits. I always thought that my struggles and issues were largely related to my childhood PTSD. I also read the interesting book, NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, by Steve Silberman which also made me feel as if I am definitely a neurodiverse individual. Some of the challenges for me of being a female with autism is that it is not as apparent as it seems to be in most males, although every autistic individual is different. My brain does not work like an average brain, and I frequently get confused by simple things that may seem obvious to others. It is almost like some of my neural pathways or wires are crossed and what may seem obvious to some is not necessarily so to me. I also tend to take things literally at times, and legitimately get confused by things that may seem simple and straightforward to others. It honestly happens to me all the time. Misunderstanding is very common with autistic persons since it is a communication disorder. Some people may assume that a person with autism is being manipulative or deceptive, but typically this is not true in the least whatsoever. I feel that I frequently have this problem for some reason, especially in the past few years. I often feel misunderstood, especially in my writings. I know that I can come across quite condescending and even impolite at times. I can also be very repetitive, especially when I do not feel heard or acknowledged or when I am anxious. Change and uncertainty are also extremely difficult for me as are vague circumstances and variables. I also have issues with being honest to a fault, literally speaking, and also to oversharing information. I tend to not have the same filters that an average person does, which can be quite problematic in our society. People might not believe that I have autism as I seem quite normal, however, I can assure them that if they spent a day or two in my brain, that it would be crystal clear. Another problem is that some people seem to think that an autistic person can just change the way their brain works and that they have control over some of these issues, but it is not all that different than one who has dyslexia. They would not be expected to suddenly be able to read or think like an average person, either. A blind person would not be expected to suddenly be able to see if they want to, and a person without legs could not just walk without an assistive device of some sort. It is not all that different. One cannot simply will their brain to be different than it is. Persons with autism do not necessarily have control over their anxiety, challenges with communication or repetitive behaviors. That is not to say that one cannot change and redirect their neural pathways, but it is not as easy as it might seem, which is why it is considered a "disorder". I love the following TED Talk by a young woman with autism. She talks about masking, which I have been doing nearly my whole life. I am really trying to accept myself and to practice self-love instead of being critical or beating myself up for being so different than most other human beings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KPK5sMar5w The best book that I have read on the subject is actually my favorite book, Nutrient Power by Dr William Walsh, PhD. He has the world's largest database on the biochemistries of autistic persons. He has identified that there is typically an underlying mechanism behind autism, which is often undermethylation. Undermethylation is a genetic aberration of sorts. When one is undermethylated, they are not producing enough methyl, which affects all basic genetic processes, including the production of various neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, GABA, etc. As a result, one might develop coping mechanisms that seem peculiar in response to this lack of methyl. It makes perfect sense when you stop to really think about it. I have been on a nutrient protocol to compensate for this lack of methyl now for 6 years. I have noticed a significant difference, although I am not all of a sudden a "normal" person. I do still have autism and my brain still functions quite differently than the average person. The nutrients make it easier for me to deal with life so that I am not self-medicating with mind-altering substances such as alcohol or marijuana. I can now moderate and self-soothe and feel good in my own skin and body for the most part, especially now that I have made meditation and mindfulness a daily practice in my life. I still have been experiencing incredible trauma as I mentioned below, however. I feel that it is definitely related to being on the autism spectrum as I have been repetitive as I felt that I was being treated with incredible injustice and also gender discrimination. It has been extremely upsetting and unsettling for me to be blocked, excluded and verbally attacked, essentially by a conservation trust for having autism. I strongly believe that it is also a violation of my ADA rights as well as my human rights. At least that is my perspective and experience. I am always open to hearing other's perspectives and experience and to constructive criticism, however. I am most certainly not a perfect person, although I don't know too many people who are. I believe that this is why communication and conflict resolution are so important, especially in this day and age. They say that birds of a feather flock together, and surely most of my friends and my 'tribe' is also likely autistic or neurodiverse, so Lord knows most of us are flawed and conflicted characters. This is all the more reason to work on communication skills and to engage in dialogue and attempt to problem solve to clear up miscommunication and misunderstanding. Here is a quote from NeuroTribes that I love ( I also posted it on Facebook previously, but for some weird reason, it was reported and deleted- I suppose because it offended someone.. :). I believe that this quote is appropriate for all neurodiverse individuals: “We claim- not on the basis of theory, but on the basis of our experiences with many children like this- that this boy’s positive and negative qualities are two natural, necessary, interconnected aspects of one well-knit, harmonious personality. We could express it this way: this boy’s difficulties- which particularly affect his relationships with himself and other people- are the price that he has to pay for his special gifts.” Hans Asperger, as quoted in NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman. Here are a few more interesting links if anyone is interested: How to Support Mental Health in Autistic People: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_support_mental_health_in_autistic_people Autistic Adults May be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive and Lacking Credibility: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-021-04963-4 PSA! I just love the River Phoenix Center for Peacebuilding. They are doing wonderful things throughout our community, country and world. I dream of the day when conflict resolution and peacebuilding are the norm instead of division, polarization, mass incarceration, our antiquated, insane, highly illogical, fiscally irresponsible legal system, and also ongoing conflict and issues in families, which I have also sadly been suffering from the past couple years as well as in my community. I am really trying to work on inner peace and self-love so that I can be the change that I dream of in our community, world and even in my family, although this does not necessarily come naturally to me due to my upbringing and also conditioning. There is a better way and greater good that I would like to believe that we are evolving towards, however, and I am trying my best to be a genuine, positive, optimistic, peaceful person myself. "Community conflict continues to drive animosity, polarization, and violence that we can see in our neighborhoods, workplaces, schools, families, and relationships. Currently, when a local conflict occurs, the options for recourse are predominantly limited to those offered by the civil and criminal justice system which may be difficult, expensive, time-consuming, and disempowering, and lack the ability to offer a response that addresses the conflict in a holistic, human-centered way. Furthermore, conflicts that are personal in nature are often neglected by these approaches altogether and left entirely unaddressed. While conflict happens, our response is up to us. The Conflict Solution Hub is a new, innovative way of providing the tools, resources, strategies, and spaces necessary to address conflict comprehensively and appropriately." https://www.centerforpeacebuilding.org/conflict-solution-hub This evening I am writing on a more somber and serious note. For over 4 years now, my basic civil rights, human rights and ADA rights for documented high-functioning autism have been violated here in Alachua County. It has truly been by far the most profoundly unsettling and traumatic experience that I have ever endured in my life, and I grew up with incredible trauma as I have mentioned in the past. My childhood trauma was from an accident that was no one's fault, and no one was to blame, even though I did blame myself for many years. I have worked past this negative tendency and no longer shoulder the burden of Chris's accident or other things that I cannot control. This situation has been related to being a female landowner and the ecology of Lake Tuscawilla, an Audubon Bird Sanctuary. It is related to speaking my mind, my truth and my story. It is also related to the tendency of persons with autism to be honest to a fault, to overshare, and to be repetitive at times, especially when there is an incredible injustice or when we feel that we are not being heard and that we are instead being ignored and dismissed, especially for extremely unfair, sexist reasons. This situation is related to Alachua Conservation Trust, who is even listed on my Tuscawilla Estates Homeowner list for Land Management concerns. I have had legitimate land management concerns, but because of the fact that I am a woman, no one is listening to me or taking me seriously. It seems that when you are a woman, people seem to think that your world revolves around a man as this is what we have been conditioned to believe for various reasons. This situation has been happening during the entire time that ACT has been professing to support women as it began in 2016. This situation has been happening ever since the Me, Too movement went viral in 2017 and everyone was jumping on the bandwagon to promote women's rights and gender equality. ACT was professing to empower and support women and even received funding for their "Women in the Woods" Program during this time and the whole entire time that I have been suffering what I feel has been incredible gender bias and gender discrimination. I even feel that I have been experiencing gender-based violence from ACT- for over 8 years now, with the past 4 years of acute, complex trauma. This is due to the fact that they (ACT) have actually made numerous false statements and vicious personal attacks in a court of law and also throughout the entire community. This includes numerous staff members, the director, the founder, many board members, and so many complicit persons that it is shocking. Meanwhile, not one single person from ACT has ever taken the time to speak to me due to their bylaws and also because I feel that I have been sabotaged for some reason. I do not know exactly why or the whole truth, but I do know that I have been blocked, excluded and viciously verbally attacked and dehumanized by this entire organization, which is definitely gender-based violence and emotional abuse. I feel that the incredible imbalance of power between organizations & entities and individuals is a very serious issue in our country and world. It is the impetus behind the Me, Too movement as well as the Boy Scout perversion files, the rampant abuse in the Catholic Church, and many more examples. No human being should ever have to even attempt to battle with a whole organization, much less a non-profit conservation trust who has incredible connections throughout the county, especially in the government. I now see exactly how these things happen. It is happening to me right now, and it has been for over 4 years now which is unbelievable. I have written extensively about my experience, which I feel has been a terrible nightmare experience. I have contacted probably hundreds of people, including institutions and entities that are supposed to be in place to help people who are suffering from a crisis, and abusive experience. Instead of listening to me and believing me, people are inclined to victim-blame and pass judgement upon me for having this insanely traumatic experience that has genuinely felt like the worst nightmare that I have ever endured, however. I have never had an experience like this ever before in my life, but it does not seem to matter or make any difference whatsoever. I now know how it feels to be victim-blamed, especially throughout the community that I used to love, and even by old friends that I have known for over 30 years. I feel that this is a direct result of an ongoing conflict and incredible division with an extremely popular and influential nonprofit conservation trust. Meanwhile, I have been asking and even begging to please engage in dialogue, problem solve and build peace. Instead, I have been ignored, dismissed, silenced, blocked, excluded, smeared, slandered, financially penalized, socially penalized, denied countless opportunities, viciously attacked in the legal system and basically criminalized- by a conservation trust and essentially because I am a single female with high-functioning autism. At least this is my own personal perspective and experience. I am most certainly not perfect, and I have surely said and done some very impolite things due to the repeated and complex trauma that hijacked my brain, but I am typically a nice, kind, thoughtful, hardworking woman, and I genuinely feel that I have never deserved any of this situation. I have never even asked for help ever before in my life, but I do feel that I need help as I cannot battle with a powerful, popular, well-connected organization by myself. This is having such a devastating impact on my life, my mental health, my wellbeing, my physical health, and pretty much every single aspect of my life. Thank goodness that I have a few dear friends who have tried to be supportive and who have tried to help me, even though they are at a total loss as our legal system is so insane and convoluted that it is unreal and shocking to me. As a result of this repeated trauma, I hardly talk to anyone any more. I feel a shell of my former self, although I am healing and trying my best to find purpose in the midst of this shocking and profoundly disturbing experience. There is one man listed on paper, but it is not even about him, and I honestly do not even blame him. I blame systemic gender bias and discrimination. I have stated this repeatedly, but it has made zero difference. Nothing has made a difference, not even the fact that he moved across the country two and a half years ago at this point, and no longer even resides in Alachua County. I assumed that the civil injunction would be dismissed as a result, however, I was sorely mistaken. It was stated that he still owns a house here, however, he rents it out. He said he is still "extremely concerned for his safety" even though I have never threatened him or anyone else ever in my life. It is such a joke, although it is not funny in the least whatsoever. He seems like a good, hardworking person overall, and I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, however, this situation has been extremely unsettling and not normal. Also, when I stated that this was my Me, Too experience, it is not because I experienced sexual assault or abuse; it is because of the imbalance of power and the gender bias, discrimination and gender-based violence. I do feel that I experienced gaslighting, although I forgive that by this point. I also strongly believe that the civil injunction was filed on me back in December 2020 as a result of writing to the Alachua County Board of Commissioners during a virtual Police Reform Forum. I wrote about my experience and perspective and sent an email during this time, and I inadvertently used specific names as I was honestly not thinking about it being public record and even attached to Google search. Shortly thereafter, the civil injunction was filed in order to get the information redacted. They lied and exaggerated the situation in order to get the civil injunction, and I now have public records to actually prove this undeniable fact. Writing to the BoCC is free, protected speech per the precious First Amendment, and the civil injunction has been a blatant violation of this basic civil right- for over 4 years now. I do not forgive this as it should never be acceptable. Regardless of the reasons and rationale, filing a civil injunction against a woman with documented high-functioning autism should never be normalized, especially considering that I am not willful, malicious or violent at all whatsoever, and that I actually have always had legitimate purpose in this situation. Paying a female attorney (whose father was a judge) to repeat numerous outright lies and to viciously and verbally attack another woman in court who has documented high-functioning autism should also never be normalized. I even offered to apologize for any harm that I have caused or anyone that I have inadvertently embarrassed or been impolite to, but it has made no difference whatsoever. It is all very disturbing and unsettling for me to endure this situation and to not be able to find anyone who is able to help me. From my personal experience and perspective, most everyone turns a blind eye, especially since they feel helpless and powerless against our legal system. Since I cannot afford an attorney and do not have thousands of dollars to spend to defend myself, then this situation has been perpetuated for over 4 years now. Again, this is not only against a man, but a whole entire organization who I feel has been telling numerous outright lies, and who has also engaged in gaslighting against me. They have used their countless connections to silence and oppress me for many years now, and I am wondering what in the world that am I supposed to do? There is also an excellent chance that it is not just the man listed on paper, but that I am experiencing retaliation from ACT, the entire organization, again, a nonprofit conservation trust. Numerous extremely mean, cruel and abusive statements have been made to me in court- by ACT, the organization. I have suffered a vicious smear campaign not just from an individual, but from this entire organization who has dehumanized and demonized me to literally everyone, in spite of the fact that I am an autistic female landowner doing my best to manage 30 acres that are predominately wetlands by myself for 10 years now, and in spite of incredible personal loss, including my father and dearest sister. Meanwhile, I have asked on repeat to please engage in dialogue, problem solve and build peace for many years now. Instead of doing so, everything has been compiled and used against me in retaliation- by a conservation trust. I feel that they justify this by saying that I mentioned suicide in the past, and that I own firearms, but I have never thought about shooting myself as I am not a violent person. Also, if they actually truly cared about my mental health, then I would not be blocked, excluded and viciously attacked by a female attorney who knows nothing about me and my property. I would not be smeared and slandered by this nonprofit conservation trust throughout the whole community. I would be listened to, believed, included, and respected if they actually, truly cared about my mental health and wellbeing. The attorney is of course just verbally attacking me because a man is paying her thousands of dollars to do so. Either way, it is disturbing and abusive. I feel that it is about power and control, that it is not normal and that it should never be normalized. Also, for the record, I do not feel suicidal any longer as I have found tools to deal with my pain and suffering. I now need to find someone to please help me to put this nightmare, highly traumatic situation behind me. I had no idea that it was even possible to have an experience such as this, especially with a conservation trust in my own community. I know that I have not always been mindful as I have been quite angry and upset- for good reasons. It has all been acute, complex trauma for me, and again, I have never in my life ever felt that I needed help or even asked before. It should not be so difficult to find someone who has the capacity to help me build peace with a conservation trust and even the conservation cemetery where I planned on being buried some day. In the future, once I am able to move past this nightmare at long last, I plan on reaching out to legislators in regards to civil injunctions being unconstitutional and an abuse of civil rights, especially by powerful men and other individuals as well as influential organizations. I also hope to help and advocate for others who have experienced similar situations. I also plan on advocating for changes in policies and procedures at all organizations and entities, and lastly, for term limits on all boards, especially powerful organizations such as a nonprofit conservation trust. Many board members at ACT have been on the board for over a decade and as a result, there is incredible group mentality and even gang mentality here. There are term limits for the county advocacy boards for a reason, and the same limitations need to be implemented at ACT as well, particularly as they partner with the county and receive incredible federal and local funding. If anyone reading this has any connections that could possibly help me, I still really need help. It has been over 4 years now. It is having a crippling impact on my life in numerous ways. All I want at this point is kindness, compassion, inclusion, acceptance and peace. All I want is my basic civil rights restored and respected in Alachua County. I am extremely forgiving and understanding, and I am not a willful, malicious person who has any interest in retaliation or retribution. I just want peace, inclusion and acceptance in my community and to be empowered and supported as a female landowner. Thank you so much for reading and for caring. Love, me: (LCP :) Happy birthday to my older brother, Christopher Robert Predny, who was born 55 years ago today in Gainesville, Florida to Faye and Robert Predny. He departed this world in 2005, and it is so hard to believe that it has been 20 years now this June. I wanted to share these photos of Chris on this website as I have shared them on social media previously, but since I have been on an extended hiatus from that medium, I thought I would share them with you all here. Also, since it has been so long, many people might not know the incredible story of my amazingly resilient brother who survived a very tragic accident when he was 11 years old as he was hit by a truck while we were riding bikes. He suffered severe brain damage as a result, and it was honestly a miracle that he lived. I was with him when this happened, and it has always haunted me, although I feel that I have finally healed from the devastating impact this has had on me for most my life (for the most part :). Chris's accident had a profound impact on our family in immeasurable ways. Our lives were forever changed, but it was honestly in mostly positive ways in spite of the numerous challenges over the years. Chris was such a stubborn soul and a born fighter. It was incredible not only that he survived but also thrived and touched countless lives by teaching them that you truly cannot judge a book by its cover or a young man by his disabilities and physical deformities. My parents also showed the world that a family could have a somewhat normal and even beautiful existence in spite of a tragedy. It was definitely not always easy and there was also much pain and suffering, but overall, we had a very beautiful and amazing life with Christopher as you can see from the photos below. I am eternally grateful to Chris as thanks to him and my family, I have had a wonderful life thus far with a wealth of experiences and many cherished memories with him and my family. I have also been able to travel and see some beautiful places and focus on doing artwork and such the past 20 years as he left me with an inheritance that afforded me the ability and flexibility to do these things, which has been such an incredible gift. I also was able to purchase my lovely home and property thanks to him in many ways. I actually spent the last of my Chris money on the wetlands parcel, which is why it has been so meaningful and significant to me, and I suppose it is why there has been such chaos and trauma involved in it in many ways- due to the historic trauma of it all, perhaps? I am not quite sure of the reason why, but I do believe that there is a higher power looking out for me (and sometimes testing me ;) and that there must be reasons for all the madness, especially since there have been so many sparkly silver linings as well. Hopefully I can manifest more peace in my life, community and family in the near future, especially since I am feeling much more inner peace and self-love these days. I genuinely feel that I am at a huge turning point in my life where I am able to finally heal from the deepest wounds related to my childhood trauma and Chris's accident, although I am sure that I will always be a work in progress in many ways :). Lastly, it is honestly quite heartbreaking to have already lost not only one, but now two siblings in addition to my father. To lose Mary a couple years ago was truly the darkest time ever for me, not just to lose her, but to suffer from so much loss in my family already is very sad and painful. Thank you so much to everyone who has been there for me, especially the past few years. I am so incredibly grateful to have a handful of dear friends, kind, thoughtful neighbors and all my furry and feathered friends here on Tuscawilla, as well as the rest of the beautiful flora and fauna that I am surrounded by. Thank you for reading and for caring. Love you. Love, Me. |
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January 2025
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