|
Since I have mentioned many times now that I have documented high-functioning autism, I wanted to share a bit more information on this fascinating topic. High- functioning autism was formerly referred to as Aspergers, but since there were many overlapping characteristics, they changed the official diagnosis in the DSM-5 in 2013. "Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that is characterized, in varying degrees, by repetitive behaviors and difficulties with social interaction and verbal and nonverbal communication. The ASD diagnosis once included Autistic Disorder, Asperger Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, and other disorders; however, in June 2013, all autism disorders were merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM 5). " I just received an official diagnosis a few years ago, but I have been aware that I may be on the spectrum pretty much the past decade, largely after reading the following article in Scientific American: Autism: It's Different in Girls https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-it-s-different-in-girls/ I could identify extremely well with what they said in that article as well as much other research that I have read on the topic in the past decade. Previous to that, I did the Autism Quotient Quiz numerous times and always found it interesting that I scored fairly high as I did not think that I had typical autism traits. I always thought that my struggles and issues were largely related to my childhood PTSD. I also read the interesting book, NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, by Steve Silberman which also made me feel as if I am definitely a neurodiverse individual. Some of the challenges for me of being a female with autism is that it is not as apparent as it seems to be in most males, although every autistic individual is different. My brain does not work like an average brain, and I frequently get confused by simple things that may seem obvious to others. It is almost like some of my neural pathways or wires are crossed and what may seem obvious to some is not necessarily so to me. I also tend to take things literally at times, and legitimately get confused by things that may seem simple and straightforward to others. It honestly happens to me all the time. Misunderstanding is very common with autistic persons since it is a communication disorder. Some people may assume that a person with autism is being manipulative or deceptive, but typically this is not true in the least whatsoever. I feel that I frequently have this problem for some reason, especially in the past few years. I often feel misunderstood, especially in my writings. I know that I can come across quite condescending and even impolite at times. I can also be very repetitive, especially when I do not feel heard or acknowledged or when I am anxious. Change and uncertainty are also extremely difficult for me as are vague circumstances and variables. I also have issues with being honest to a fault, literally speaking, and also to oversharing information. I tend to not have the same filters that an average person does, which can be quite problematic in our society. People might not believe that I have autism as I seem quite normal, however, I can assure them that if they spent a day or two in my brain, that it would be crystal clear. Another problem is that some people seem to think that an autistic person can just change the way their brain works and that they have control over some of these issues, but it is not all that different than one who has dyslexia. They would not be expected to suddenly be able to read like an average person, either. A blind person would not be expected to suddenly be able to see if they want to, and a person without legs could not just walk without an assistive device of some sort. It is not all that different. One cannot simply will their brain to be different than it is. Persons with autism do not necessarily have control over their anxiety, challenges with communication or repetitive behaviors. That is not to say that one cannot change and redirect their neural pathways, but it is not as easy as it might seem, which is why it is considered a "disorder". I love the following TED Talk by a young woman with autism. She talks about masking, which I have been doing nearly my whole life. I am really trying to accept myself and to practice self-love instead of being critical or beating myself up for being so different than most other human beings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KPK5sMar5w The best book that I have read on the subject is actually my favorite book, Nutrient Power by Dr William Walsh, PhD. He has the world's largest database on the biochemistries of autistic persons. He has identified that there is typically an underlying mechanism behind autism, which is often undermethylation. Undermethylation is a genetic aberration of sorts. When one is undermethylated, they are not producing enough methyl, which affects all basic genetic processes, including the production of various neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, GABA, etc. As a result, one might develop coping mechanisms that seem peculiar in response to this lack of methyl. It makes perfect sense when you stop to really think about it. I have been on a nutrient protocol to compensate for this lack of methyl now for 6 years. I have noticed a significant difference, although I am not all of a sudden a "normal" person. I do still have autism and my brain still functions quite differently than the average person. The nutrients make it easier for me to deal with life so that I am not self-medicating with mind-altering substances such as alcohol or marijuana. I can now moderate and self-soothe and feel good in my own skin and body for the most part, especially now that I have made meditation and mindfulness a daily practice in my life. I still have been experiencing incredible trauma as I mentioned below, however. I feel that it is definitely related to being on the autism spectrum as I have been repetitive as I felt that I was being treated with incredible injustice and also gender discrimination. It has been extremely upsetting and unsettling for me to be blocked, excluded and verbally attacked, essentially by a conservation trust for having autism. I strongly believe that it is also a violation of my ADA rights as well as my human rights. At least that is my perspective and experience. I am always open to hearing other's perspectives and experience and to constructive criticism, however. I am most certainly not a perfect person, although I don't know too many people who are. I believe that this is why communication and conflict resolution are so important, especially in this day and age. They say that birds of a feather flock together, and surely most of my friends and my 'tribe' is also likely autistic or neurodiverse, so Lord knows most of us are flawed and conflicted characters. This is all the more reason to work on communication skills and to engage in dialogue and attempt to problem solve to clear up miscommunication and misunderstanding. Here is a quote from NeuroTribes that I love ( I also posted it on Facebook previously, but for some weird reason, it was reported and deleted- I suppose because it offended someone.. :). I believe that this quote is appropriate for all neurodiverse individuals: “We claim- not on the basis of theory, but on the basis of our experiences with many children like this- that this boy’s positive and negative qualities are two natural, necessary, interconnected aspects of one well-knit, harmonious personality. We could express it this way: this boy’s difficulties- which particularly affect his relationships with himself and other people- are the price that he has to pay for his special gifts.” Hans Asperger, as quoted in NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman. Here are a few more interesting links if anyone is interested: How to Support Mental Health in Autistic People: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_support_mental_health_in_autistic_people Autistic Adults May be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive and Lacking Credibility: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-021-04963-4  PSA! I just love the River Phoenix Center for Peacebuilding. They are doing wonderful things throughout our community, country and world. I dream of the day when conflict resolution and peacebuilding are the norm instead of division, polarization, mass incarceration, our antiquated, insane, highly illogical, fiscally irresponsible legal system, and also ongoing conflict and issues in families, which I have also sadly been suffering from the past couple years as well as in my community. I am really trying to work on inner peace and self-love so that I can be the change that I dream of in our community, world and even in my family, although this does not necessarily come naturally to me due to my upbringing and also conditioning. There is a better way and greater good that I would like to believe that we are evolving towards, however, and I am trying my best to be a genuine, positive, optimistic, peaceful person myself. "Community conflict continues to drive animosity, polarization, and violence that we can see in our neighborhoods, workplaces, schools, families, and relationships. Currently, when a local conflict occurs, the options for recourse are predominantly limited to those offered by the civil and criminal justice system which may be difficult, expensive, time-consuming, and disempowering, and lack the ability to offer a response that addresses the conflict in a holistic, human-centered way. Furthermore, conflicts that are personal in nature are often neglected by these approaches altogether and left entirely unaddressed. While conflict happens, our response is up to us. The Conflict Solution Hub is a new, innovative way of providing the tools, resources, strategies, and spaces necessary to address conflict comprehensively and appropriately." https://www.centerforpeacebuilding.org/conflict-solution-hub  Happy birthday to my older brother, Christopher Robert Predny, who was born 55 years ago today in Gainesville, Florida to Faye and Robert Predny. He departed this world in 2005, and it is so hard to believe that it has been 20 years now this June. I wanted to share these photos of Chris on this website as I have shared them on social media previously, but since I have been on an extended hiatus from that medium, I thought I would share them with you all here. Also, since it has been so long, many people might not know the incredible story of my amazingly resilient brother who survived a very tragic accident when he was 11 years old as he was hit by a truck while we were riding bikes. He suffered severe brain damage as a result, and it was honestly a miracle that he lived. I was with him when this happened, and it has always haunted me, although I feel that I have finally healed from the devastating impact this has had on me for most my life (for the most part :). Chris's accident had a profound impact on our family in immeasurable ways. Our lives were forever changed, but it was honestly in mostly positive ways in spite of the numerous challenges over the years. Chris was such a stubborn soul and a born fighter. It was incredible not only that he survived but also thrived and touched countless lives by teaching them that you truly cannot judge a book by its cover or a young man by his disabilities and physical deformities. My parents also showed the world that a family could have a somewhat normal and even beautiful existence in spite of a tragedy. It was definitely not always easy and there was also much pain and suffering, but overall, we had a very beautiful and amazing life with Christopher as you can see from the photos below. I am eternally grateful to Chris as thanks to him and my family, I have had a wonderful life thus far with a wealth of experiences and many cherished memories with him and my family. I have also been able to travel and see some beautiful places and focus on doing artwork and such the past 20 years as he left me with an inheritance that afforded me the ability and flexibility to do these things, which has been such an incredible gift. I also was able to purchase my lovely home and property thanks to him in many ways. I actually spent the last of my Chris money on the wetlands parcel, which is why it has been so meaningful and significant to me, and I suppose it is why there has been such chaos and trauma involved in it in many ways- due to the historic trauma of it all, perhaps? I am not quite sure of the reason why, but I do believe that there is a higher power looking out for me (and sometimes testing me ;) and that there must be reasons for all the madness, especially since there have been so many sparkly silver linings as well. Hopefully I can manifest more peace in my life, community and family in the near future, especially since I am feeling much more inner peace and self-love these days. I genuinely feel that I am at a huge turning point in my life where I am able to finally heal from the deepest wounds related to my childhood trauma and Chris's accident, although I am sure that I will always be a work in progress in many ways :). Lastly, it is honestly quite heartbreaking to have already lost not only one, but now two siblings in addition to my father. To lose Mary a couple years ago was truly the darkest time ever for me, not just to lose her, but to suffer from so much loss in my family already is very sad and painful. Thank you so much to everyone who has been there for me, especially the past few years. I am so incredibly grateful to have a handful of dear friends, kind, thoughtful neighbors and all my furry and feathered friends here on Tuscawilla, as well as the rest of the beautiful flora and fauna that I am surrounded by. Thank you for reading and for caring. Love you. Love, Me. |
Me: LPArchives
February 2025
Categories |
RSS Feed